It was in that moment that God tapped on my heart and reminded me of my vocation and of the many ways motherhood makes us holy. I wanted to say I didn’t have time for this. I needed to be cleaning or simply sitting down and regaining my sanity. Why didn’t my toddler hear the tick tock of my precious free time dwindling? The dishes were piling up in the sink ... [he] needed my presence. He needed me to say “I’m here and there is no where else I would rather be.”
We can make motherhood so complicated, but in many ways it’s really about doing simple things with great consistency. My children need my presence. They need a Momma who is patient. Our days require us to continually die to ourselves, and to let go.
To put it mildly, it resonated with me.
I feel like I am constantly saying "my struggle lately..." But to overuse that phrase in one paragraph, my struggle lately has been finding holiness in motherhood; It has been figuring out how to make myself present to my kids; It has been figuring out how to be "with" them, not just "among" them; It has been figuring out (okay, just flat making the decision) how to not use my tv as a glorified babysitter; It has been figuring out how to teach them to love God with their whole hearts, minds, and souls!
Immediately after reading the above post, I ready Kathryn's post on Team Whitaker about HDYDI: Daily Routines with Young Children ... I mean, really?! Thank you God for the graces today!!
Just as I have the last two years, in this week following Jess's death, I find myself meditating on what is important in life. Who precious and fleeting it can be. How important it is to use whatever time we are given to really LOVE our children. To really show them how God intends us to live. Most importantly, to not put off until tomorrow those things that we think are important because there might not be a tomorrow.
My point? I'm not sure. Other than to say that I'm sharing this with you as I try and figure out how to be a better Mom. To fully embrace my vocation and learn the art of self-donation to my children. To figure out a better routine than the one we are in. It won't be perfect, it never is. But it will be better than the one we have now. I promise to share more along the way.
A quote, again from Meaghan, to end:
As mothers, we are constantly called to turn away from our selfishness, to open our hearts in service. I will be the first to admit that there are many days I do this much less gracefully than I ought. But my sweet little children have entered me into the school of love. I am learning. I am learning how to love and I am learning what it means to be loved by a good God who is ever present and always patient. A good God who claps and cheers like it was the first time anyone ever changed a diaper with pure love in her heart.
I praise God for my [three] little teachers, Karen, Megan, and Lauren. Be patient with me little ones, you are making me holy.