Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Struggling with uncertainty ...

I'm having one of those kinds of days where the uncertainty of what the future holds for my kids is really trying to make me anxious.  More specifically, what the future holds for "Peanut".  She is still struggling with speech and seeing the verbal gap between her and "Nutmeg" (who is 22mo younger) increase is hard.  As a Mom, I want to fix it for her... but I can't.  I want to fill in the word for her when she doesn't, but she won't learn that way.  The SLP's that she works with are becoming more convinced that she has childhood apraxia of speech.  Unfortunately, there is no test they can administer to determine this definitively.  They arrive at it by eliminating most other possibilities.  It also means that it is uncertain to what degree she will overcome her speech delay.  And, there's that word again, "uncertain"...

I was talking with my sister today and we arrived at the conclusion that sometimes God uses our kids to help teach us that we are not in control and that we need to trust.  That's one of my biggest road bumps right now.  I find it much easier to trust if I know what the expected outcome is supposed to be, even if it isn't one that I would prefer.  But trusting when I am walking down a dimly lit path?  Really?   *sigh*  So, I picked myself up today for the umpteenth time, said a prayer asking God to teach my stubborn self how to trust, and smiled at my girl because she really is exactly how God intended her to be... my beautiful little miracle!  Tomorrow... well that's another day and one in which, hopefully, I'm a little closer to the path of Trust!!

Here are a few of my favorite pictures of Peanut!






4 comments :

Christine said...

Renee-she is so beautiful! And yes it is so hard to put your trust in God sometimes but so worth it in the long run!

Christine said...

Renee-I didn't even realize this was your blog until a bit ago!!! So funny, but now I really cannot wait to read your blog! Who knew 10+ years ago we would be "blogging buddies"! LOL! What a small world, but so happy to be more in touch with each others lives! Miss you!

PalouseMom said...

Thanks Christine! It is really nice to be reconnecting. Your blog is great and your hats are amazing. I've been resisting the urge to get one for my girls, but I think Easter might just have to be a reason to give in!! :)

Eos Mom said...

How funny that I stumbled on you through UBP. My son has apraxia (and my daughter probably does too, though she was too young at her eval to say definitively). My son started speech therapy at 2 and now he's 5 and he talks a mile a minute and is down to just a few articulation issues (like "th," R, S). Take heart, it will have a happy ending! :-) {You can come by my blog and pick my brain, if you want.}