So Thankful Thursday - Karen Edition

 As any Mom knows, there are ups and downs to parenting your little ones.  Sometimes the world is golden and the sky is the limit and sometimes you look at your little one with so much trepidation and wonder what the future holds.  This is true for any parent and I think especially true for parents of little ones with challenges.

I struggle daily with letting go of my worry for Karen and trusting God.  I struggle with focusing on the present and her beautiful, silly, joyful personality and letting go of wondering what challenges might hurt her in the future.  I struggle with not comparing her to other kids her age or even Megan and just seeing her for the child she is at this moment.  I struggle with not getting frustrated at not being able to understand her and remembering to feel blessed by the number of words she does use to communicate (and that I do understand) that she didn't have several months ago.

I struggle... that sentence could go on, and on, and on... the key that I've been trying to remind myself of is that it really is not about "I"... it is about her and the fact that she is exactly how God made her.

... exactly how God made her... really?!  Wow!! 

How blessed am I then that he entrusted this beautiful little girl to me and how much harder I need to make sure I work to remember that!  When looked at from that perspective, it is easy to see the blessings and graces that He has brought into our lives to ease this journey.  Just to name a few:

1. Karen's future kindergarten teacher (the one she will have next year!) chose to go to a conference on Apraxia this summer so she could understand Karen's condition and be better equipped to teach her!!
2. While at the conference, several of the speakers referenced Dr. Amy Meredith... Dr. Amy is the SLP that oversees Karen's twice a week sessions in Spokane!
3. Dr. Amy hand picked the student therapist that Karen is working with and so far Karen LOVES her... She is responding so well and working so hard!
4. Karen's SLP that she works with through the school chose to come to several of her sessions in Spokane so there would be continuity between what they are working on and what she does. 
5. This SLP has also established communication with Dr. Amy and is working on her own time to learn some of the resources that Dr. Amy recommends for Apraxia since she is not familiar with them. 
6. I've read enough blogs to know that the above 5 items are not typical experiences.

So that's what I'm thankful for on this beautiful Thursday.  What about you? 

O Lord, we give you thanks for having given us children. They are our joy, and we accept with serenity the worries, fears, and labors which bring us pain. Help us to love them sincerely. Through us you gave life to them; from eternity you knew them and loved them. Give us the wisdom to guide them, patience to teach them, vigilance to accustom them to the good through our example. Support our love so that we may receive them back when they have strayed and make them good. It is often so difficult to understand them, to be as they would want us to be, to help them go on their way. Grant that they may always see our home as a haven in their time of need. Teach us and help us, O good Father, through the merits of Jesus, your Son and our Lord. Amen.

Apraxia update

So it's been a while since I've talked about Karen's progress.  We have her in speech therapy three times a week.  Once through the school district while she is at preschool and twice a week at the EWU/WSU speech and hearing clinic.  She works there with a graduate student clinician with oversight from an amazing expert on childhood apraxia of speech - Dr. Amy

The last couple of months there has been a huge jump in Karen's speech (words, attempts, etc.) and her social interaction when she is at preschool.   She now has at least 75 words (that I can "understand") and is starting to put words together in two to four word "phrases" ... I use quotes because they are not typical sentence structure, are pretty stilted, and are usually in the wrong order, but the fact that she is stringing words and/or multiple syllables together is HUGE!

It has been a struggle lately.  When she was a baby she was VERY laid back.  But as she has gotten older, she is starting to assert herself and her preferences (which is mostly a wonderful thing!)... but being unable to communicate those needs and preferences effectively is starting to become a bigger deal.  We are seeing more tantrums and acting out from frustration.  I pray that the progress in her speech will help her feel less frustrated.  I feel so helpless most of the time and never realized how powerless you feel as a parent when you have a little one that struggles with something that you simply cannot do anything to help with.

Struggling with uncertainty ...

I'm having one of those kinds of days where the uncertainty of what the future holds for my kids is really trying to make me anxious.  More specifically, what the future holds for "Peanut".  She is still struggling with speech and seeing the verbal gap between her and "Nutmeg" (who is 22mo younger) increase is hard.  As a Mom, I want to fix it for her... but I can't.  I want to fill in the word for her when she doesn't, but she won't learn that way.  The SLP's that she works with are becoming more convinced that she has childhood apraxia of speech.  Unfortunately, there is no test they can administer to determine this definitively.  They arrive at it by eliminating most other possibilities.  It also means that it is uncertain to what degree she will overcome her speech delay.  And, there's that word again, "uncertain"...

I was talking with my sister today and we arrived at the conclusion that sometimes God uses our kids to help teach us that we are not in control and that we need to trust.  That's one of my biggest road bumps right now.  I find it much easier to trust if I know what the expected outcome is supposed to be, even if it isn't one that I would prefer.  But trusting when I am walking down a dimly lit path?  Really?   *sigh*  So, I picked myself up today for the umpteenth time, said a prayer asking God to teach my stubborn self how to trust, and smiled at my girl because she really is exactly how God intended her to be... my beautiful little miracle!  Tomorrow... well that's another day and one in which, hopefully, I'm a little closer to the path of Trust!!

Here are a few of my favorite pictures of Peanut!