tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78263310247748378722024-03-05T11:15:09.610-08:00Musings of a Palouse MomSharing my journey as a stay at home mom, a farmer's wife, a (trying to be) woman of faith, and everything in between...PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.comBlogger202125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-31592685293977435242014-04-16T17:28:00.000-07:002014-04-16T17:28:27.186-07:00Preparing my heart for Easter<div style="text-align: center;">
This has been one of those seasons where time has moved both incredibly slow and yet faster than I can imagine. I honestly am having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that Sunday is Easter. Tonight we are on the eve of the Triduum, a time that I typically enjoy above all others because I am reminded of how great, loving, and mighty God is. There is nothing more majestic than the feeling I get every. single. Easter. morning. There is always something about the sunshine on Easter Sunday that surpasses all other days.</div>
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My heart feels so unprepared. I thought this would be a lent that would prepare me better than most years. Oh how mistaken I was. </div>
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The saying that you get out of something what you put into it? </div>
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Yep, true. </div>
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<u><b>Always true</b></u>. </div>
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I guess the fact that I was handed a cross before the start of Lent doesn't mean much if I don't do anything with it to help bring me closer to Christ. The reality? I'm just still struggling to function with this weight on me. </div>
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Don't get me wrong, <u>I trust</u>.</div>
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I <u>trust </u>He will give me the strength to deal with saying goodbye to my baby girl if that is His Will.</div>
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I <u>trust </u>that He didn't cause this, our imperfect humanness did.</div>
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I <u>trust </u>that while He didn't cause this, He allowed it and that I can't see all the workings of His divine plan.</div>
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I <u>trust </u>that my baby girl will have an impact on this world, whether she comes home with us or not.</div>
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But Trust does not equal acceptance. </div>
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Trust does not mean that I have yet found a way to truly internalize this news that I rationally have already processed.</div>
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Trust does not mean that I have found a way to accept this cross with open arms. Everything in me wants to run away from it screaming in complete and total denial. However, the fact that I still have my little girl in my womb and each ultrasound continues to show the same devastating news... makes it a little hard to be in denial.</div>
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Trust also does not mean that I've done a good job at using this time of sorrow to advance my prayer life. As much as I am relying on the graces from everyone else's prayers for me, my family, and our little girl - I am having a hard time turning myself to prayer. </div>
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I want to, but find myself oddly resistant.</div>
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Maybe it's because when I do pray, the weight of the cross is more of a reality than I want to acknowledge (even though I know that Christ is actually carrying the majority of the weight for me).</div>
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Or maybe it's because God blesses me with the emotion that I've been keeping at bay when I pray. The grief and sorrow that is waiting in the wings feels like it could engulf me. I say blesses because I feel so numb most of the time that I know those feelings of grief, sorrow, even anger are part of His healing process... but I am finding it so hard to embrace those emotions I know are coming.</div>
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Or maybe it's just as simple as a meager attempt at control. It is HARD for me to admit (and even harder to accept) that I have no control over these circumstances. There is nothing I can do to fix it. There is nothing I can do to change it. I can't help her. It's amazing how counterproductive we can be sometimes. If I can't control anything with baby girl, I at least am "in control" of my prayer life and relationship with Christ.</div>
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Sound a bit childish? Yeah... I know.</div>
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Back to Easter. I sit here trying to prepare myself in a way that I didn't take an opportunity to these last few weeks. </div>
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Holy Thursday - Christ's Last Supper and creation of the Eucharist</h4>
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Good Friday - Christ's sacrifice for all of us</h4>
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Easter Sunday - His GLORIOUS resurrection...</h4>
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These days always impact me. They always find a way to sink in past whatever it going on in my life and renews my love for a Lord that LOVES us this much! </div>
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I pray that is the case again this year. I need it to be so.</div>
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I am broken.</div>
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As Christ said on the cross, the spiritual and emotional side of me cries out: "My Lord, and my God, Why have you forsaken me?"</div>
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The rational side of me knows the answer is really Christ saying to me: "My child, why have you forsaken me?"</div>
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I intend to stumble through the next few days making myself confront my resistance so that I can hopefully come before Christ on Easter morning and truly pray Psalm 118:</div>
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<span style="color: purple;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">"This is the day the Lord has made, let us be glad and rejoice!"</span></i></span></div>
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PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-67535373022096561472014-04-01T21:53:00.001-07:002014-04-01T21:53:28.833-07:00Our Christmas GiftI recently counted up, and of the ten Christmases that Carl and I have been married, six of them were celebrated while we were doing fertility treatments. Surprisingly, all six of them fell far enough into my cycle where I could know by Christmas morning whether I was pregnant. Five different Christmases, I did not get the gift I was hoping and praying for.<br />
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<u>This Christmas?</u><br />
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<b>Positive.</b> <br />
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I knew. As I've "known" with the other three, before that second little line turned pink or blue, that it was going to be positive. As I forced myself to wait the two minutes to look at the test, I desperately fought that certainty, so that if/when it was negative I wouldn't be crushed. Yet, as with the other three times, that certainty I fought turned out to be a "knowing" that was accurate. We were pregnant once again.<br />
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The test was wrapped into three separate packages. Each one larger than the next, in order to hide the contents from Carl. Once "Santa" had done his thing that night and we were sitting back to admire the packages under the tree and imagine our girls delight in the morning, I gave Carl his package. It took little prompting to get him to open it, although he was at a loss as to what I would so want him to open the night before. It was magical to have that moment together, knowing there was a little one growing inside me as we prepared to celebrate our Savior's birth.j<br />
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Two days after Christmas, my home test was confirmed by a blood test. My levels were great - exactly where they should be at four weeks. After our miscarriage last summer, and numbers that were consistently at the very low end of "normal" and didn't increase as expected, this was at least somewhat reassuring early. My first ultrasound was set for two weeks following the blood test, and my anxious waiting began. Until I see that first precious heartbeat, I find it extremely hard to relax and enjoy the beauty of pregnancy.PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-22132402264244192832014-03-31T21:41:00.001-07:002014-03-31T21:43:12.801-07:00I'm back!! ...After several months away, I find myself needing a space to process a reality that I'm living right now. My blog seems the most natural space to do it, because the processing I need to do requires that I get thoughts, words, emotions, sorrow, and joy out of my head and out where I can see it. Since that is exactly what my blog is supposed to be... musings... what better place?!<br />
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From Psalms:<br />
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<em><span style="color: purple;">"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; and those who are crushed in spirit He saves."</span></em></blockquote>
Oh how I've felt His presence these past few weeks. I wouldn't be continuing forward as well as I am without holding strongly to my trust in His divine plan - even when it differs so greatly from the plan I would have. And honestly, to say I'm doing well is quite frankly an overstatement.<br />
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The short story, which I'll share in more detail in the coming days, is that I'm still trying to process the news we received several weeks ago that the baby I'm carrying will likely never come home with us. Her condition and the extent of her developmental anomalies and abnormalities are "incompatible" with life outside the womb and may in fact prove fatal at some point in the womb.<br />
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Oh, dear Lord... I still don't know if I'm strong enough to process this. Jesus says in Matthew:<br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><em>"Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14</em></span></blockquote>
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That is a consolation that I am trying to hold on to. Of all my hopes and dreams for my children, it is that I will teach the know, love, and serve God so that they will spend eternity with him that is most important to me. I know that I can rest assured of that for this little one. But, oh how it hurts.PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-80301240622057291082013-11-22T15:12:00.003-08:002013-11-22T15:12:48.402-08:00To be continued...I hope.<br />
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I'm going to be taking a break from blogging. In a conversation with my husband, it came to my attention that I didn't really understand his level of discomfort (and dislike) with the idea of blogging and sharing things out on the interwebs...<br />
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While (obviously) I'm much more okay with this, I respect his reservations. So, out of respect for him, I am going to take a break from sharing things here. I hope I'll be back.<br />
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I will still be lurking around your blogs! If you want to find me you can always look me up via my DailyMile linky on the sidebar or email me at palousemom at gmail dot com.<br />
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Looking forward to being back sometime soon!PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-13934876468259532252013-11-20T09:59:00.000-08:002013-11-20T09:59:21.787-08:00Five Favorites (vol. 1)This is my first time linking up with Hallie at the lovely <a href="http://moxiewife.com/">Moxie Wife</a> for <a href="http://moxiewife.com/2013/11/five-favorites-vol-38/.html">Five Favorites Wednesday</a>! I love the idea! :)<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">http://moxiewife.com/category/five-favorites </span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;"><a name='more'></a>- 1 -</span></b></span></h2>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>My Girls!</b></i></span></span></div>
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You'll eventually get tired of pictures of my kids, but it is only fitting that they make the top of the list for this first ever, volume 1 Five Favorites! How could they not be? :)</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixiNg-A8oIc3X1YsKMemD7FuAf_v4a0ylzr3BN3goc8jcE0KOriG4RNso4_amB9IL4QekRmhISIkTd203rXxpNJhc2PdS_OBtCuyQCThDKunlT0N0GV9QnA8MDXzwY95nqsBeqPgZ2pkEI/s1600/IMG_3139.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixiNg-A8oIc3X1YsKMemD7FuAf_v4a0ylzr3BN3goc8jcE0KOriG4RNso4_amB9IL4QekRmhISIkTd203rXxpNJhc2PdS_OBtCuyQCThDKunlT0N0GV9QnA8MDXzwY95nqsBeqPgZ2pkEI/s1600/IMG_3139.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSo-qovEVM9xQA9z3pM_l0JJ81MMd0shRT7KN4XY4TdfN8Lue87edMc67CoYd1Ty2BC5DiB8i9TUST4ej15zkXkFqbRrHw3pB9vUd5889RUBTxOrXh2PCWAGDkZhNCTd4BP2dlLBmNkfbN/s1600/IMG_6112.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSo-qovEVM9xQA9z3pM_l0JJ81MMd0shRT7KN4XY4TdfN8Lue87edMc67CoYd1Ty2BC5DiB8i9TUST4ej15zkXkFqbRrHw3pB9vUd5889RUBTxOrXh2PCWAGDkZhNCTd4BP2dlLBmNkfbN/s1600/IMG_6112.jpg" height="398" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: purple;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">- <i>2</i> -</span></b></span></h2>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>My Sisters the Saints</b></i></span></span></div>
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<a href="http://amzn.com/B0083DJXQI"><img alt="http://amzn.com/B0083DJXQI" border="0" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51jyrsFYD+L.jpg" height="400" width="261" /></a></div>
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My book club chose this for our November book. This memoir by <a href="http://amzn.com/B0083DJXQI">Colleen Carroll Campbell</a> is packed full of thought provoking nuggets. As someone who struggled with the question of whether I would ever have children, I especially relate to her struggles with coming to terms with Catholic teaching on the sanctity of life conceived through the marital act. She also exposed a beauty in the suffering of Alzheimer's that I had never considered before - a disease that terrifies me both from a worry of having it myself and "losing" my Mom to it (since her Mom, my Grandma, suffered from it).</div>
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Colleen uses five amazing women to highlight her journey on these (and other) topics - St. Therese, St. Teresa of Avila, St. Edith Stein, Mother Mary, Mother Theresa (St. Theresa of Calcutta). </div>
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<span style="color: purple;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">- 3 -</span></b></span><span style="color: purple;"></span></h2>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>Blessings</b></i></span></span></div>
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If you haven't<a href="http://a48.phobos.apple.com/us/r1000/118/Music/a0/39/62/mzm.xmpsqxvk.aac.p.m4a"> listened</a> to this song by Laura Story... you need to!</div>
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<span style="color: purple;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">- 4 -</span></b></span><span style="color: purple;"></span></h2>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>New Garmin Watches</b></i></span></span></div>
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I have been wanting a gps watch for ages! I just haven't been able to pull the trigger on getting one. Garmin just came out with a couple of new watches... and I love! The new design is fresh and smaller profile... I may just have to break down and get one!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Garmin Forerunner 220</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Garmin Forerunner 620</td></tr>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>Motivated Moms App</b></i></span></span></div>
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I recently downloaded an app called Motivated Moms. It is a chore app. While there are several things that I would like to see improved in future versions, it has been great in that it really does motivate me to do a little extra around the house. It's amazing what it does for your motivation when you aren't thinking of your own list of chores... but checking a list already made for you - I find that I'm much more apt to just "get it done"... If you are looking for that little extra boost in keeping up with things around your house, I recommend you try it! (no affiliation with the app or compensation... just sharing my opinion).</div>
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PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-15495384946385113572013-11-19T06:00:00.000-08:002013-11-19T06:00:00.789-08:00Am I Crazy? {Tackle it Tuesday}So, I'm thinking about joining the direct selling market... am I crazy?<br />
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I've thought of doing direct sales off and on over the last couple of years... with Pampered Chef, jewelry, Scentsy... each time I was interested but I really questioned whether I could see myself selling and being happy selling that product for a while. I also questioned the time commitment to be successful when I have small children at home.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>Last week I went to my first Thirty One party. I think I'm hooked. I LOVE bags - in a odd sort of way. I know some people who have several purses and are constantly using a different ones... that's not me. I find one that works and stick with it, but at the same time am always looking for a different/better/cuter one! I almost always browse the purse section if I'm out shopping and have a few extra minutes (especially when I have no kids in tow!). <br />
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Home organization is another big thing for me right now. Trying to get on top of all my clutter, find homes for everything and get rid of everything else.<br />
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Anyway... long story short, I think I can see myself selling this product and loving it. It isn't consumable like Scentsy, so I worry about the longevity - but then I look at the fact that I like a new purse about once a year - that's somewhat "consumable"... :)<br />
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I'm still working on the time commitment thing... not so much time during the day - as there is downtime with kids napping/quiet time. I know they would love "helping" organize shipments that come in, etc. It's the party times that I'm still working through. Carl's schedule between farming and coaching means that most of the year he isn't home before 6:30... but there options like family close by and good baby-sitters.<br />
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<b>Question 1</b> - Why am I so sold on Thirty One (besides the fact that I like bags?)? The name is based on Proverbs 31 - the value of a good wife. I love the idea that the company if founded on Christian principles. They pray about their business decisions and they donate to various charitable causes. I can see myself getting behind a company like this. It is also something that my family (Mom and sisters) are interested in. I can see them being REALLY supportive of these products.<br />
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<b>Question 2 -</b> Why be interested in doing direct sales at all? I LOVE being a stay at home Mom! I am still deciding if I want to homeschool my kids. The last several years of farming have been extremely good to us. But I grew up in a farming household - I know these years are more the exception than the norm. We have some expenses (mainly related to speech therapy for Karen) that add up. So far we've managed them as insurance doesn't cover it. I worry about lean years on the farm and being able to afford the help she needs to overcome Apraxia.<br />
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<b>Question 3</b> - So back to my original question... am I absolutely crazy for considering this? Or is it one of things that I just need to "tackle"... hence my posting this under "tackle it Tuesday"!!PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-13168934464517594092013-11-18T09:43:00.000-08:002013-11-18T09:43:17.707-08:00Prayer {Monday Meditation}Fresh on my facebook page this Monday morning was the following:<br />
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Just the reminder I need to be more faithful in my prayer life. There are several things weighing on my heart right now and I realized this morning that I've been trying to carry them alone.<br />
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How many times do I have to do this before I learn "<span style="font-size: large;"><i>the yoke is easy, and the burden light</i></span>" <span style="font-size: xx-small;">Matthew 11:30</span> when I trust in God and turn all things over to Him?!PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-12606183413287951622013-10-31T09:57:00.000-07:002013-10-31T09:57:05.675-07:00Halloween!<div style="text-align: center;">
It has been a fun week leading up to Halloween!!</div>
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Why, you ask?</div>
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Well... because I've been able to hear Karen using words I didn't know she had.</div>
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Two days ago, as we are getting ready for school:</div>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">"Almost Halloween!"</span></i> </b><br />
(with nearly perfect articulation)</div>
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Yesterday, she expanded it:</div>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">"It's almost Halloween!"</span></i></b></div>
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and</div>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">"Trick or Treat!" </span></i> </b><br />
(again with nearly perfect articulation!)</div>
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This morning, she woke up in a hurry when I told her it was Halloween! All morning, her little voice saying:</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"><i>"It's Halloween!"</i></span></b></div>
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and </div>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">"Trick or Treat!"</span></i></b></div>
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and while I was getting her backpack ready for the school bus:</div>
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">" 'got my bag, Mom. Trick or Treat!"</span></i></b></div>
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(You forgot my bag, Mom, for Trick or Treat!")</div>
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I love that little voice! We still have so far to go, but by the same token, have come so far!</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Happy <b><span style="color: orange;">Halloween</span></b>! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Be safe tonight!</span></div>
PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-66774618360855234022013-10-18T14:36:00.000-07:002013-10-18T14:36:48.340-07:007 Quick Takes - Randoms from the week!<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.conversiondiary.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/7_quick_takes_sm1.jpg"><img alt="" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1387" src="http://www.conversiondiary.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/7_quick_takes_sm1.jpg" height="195" title="7_quick_takes_sm" width="290" /></a>
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt1"></a><b><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt1" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 1 ---</a></b></div>
Quote of the week from Megan. My Mom stayed with us a couple of nights last week. At six in the morning when Meg crawled into my bed, I mistakenly thought I might get a few more minutes of sleep if I reminded her that Grandma was upstairs. Maybe she would go crawl into bed with her. She left the room and came back 30 seconds later and impatiently stated: "Come on Mom, let's go visit your Mama who we call Grandma!!" All I could do was laugh.<br />
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt2"></a><b><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt2" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 2 ---</a></b></div>
Karen and Megan are enrolled in gymnastics... it has been an absolute kick watching them!! They love it. They are both complete fruitloops out there sometimes! But most importantly (especially for Karen) it is helping to teach them how to control their bodies. We can't afford physical therapy for Karen, and I don't know that she REALLY needs it, but I can't understate how GOOD I think this has been for her. I'll have to keep you updated on the progress I see in her.<br />
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt3"></a><b><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt3" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 3 ---</a></b></div>
Speaking of progress and Karen - She is doing FABULOUS in kindergarten. The reports I continue to get are that she is a leader, likes to offer answers in class (I don't have specifics on how well they understand her), and that her willingness to try in speech and in other areas that she has struggled is so much better than last year. It's amazing what age does!!<br />
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt4"></a><b><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt4" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 4 ---</a></b></div>
A second point on the above line of thought. Her IEP review is coming up... EEK!! It needs some work. Very definitely needs some work on the goals. I've been putting it off but need to get working on it. I also signed off on the approval for them to begin retesting her. It's been three years since the school has done any testing.<br />
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Is it horrible that I'm worried that she'll test too high and will therefor be inelligible for services through the school? <br />
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Testing high would be a good thing! Right?!<br />
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I guess the truth is that I don't think she's ready to not have extra speech and OT through the school, but have this worry that somehow her tests will show otherwise... <br />
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt5"></a><b><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt5" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 5 ---</a></b></div>
I've fallen so completely off the exercise wagon, that it isn't even in sight anymore!! I think I'm going on six weeks since I've done any sort of structured workout... lots of activity with the kids, but nothing specifically to workout. Really need to catch back up to that wagon. My clothes aren't fitting right! (luckily, or rather unluckily, it's fall so I can hide behind more layers...)<br />
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt6"></a><b><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt6" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 6 ---</a></b></div>
Do you menu plan? I've done it sporadically and have always liked the weeks when I've done it. We are in a definite rut with regard to meals. The kids are requesting pb&j nearly every day for lunch. I've been doing a lot of eggs and pancakes for dinner for them because it gets to dinner time and I don't have a plan!<br />
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We've subscribed to e-Mealz for a year or more, but I've yet to follow their menu. Any recommendations on how you approach meal planning would be welcome!!<br />
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt7"></a><b><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt7" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 7 ---</a></b></div>
Last week ended well. The anniversary of Jessica's death was actually a pleasant one. My folks were in town for a long weekend. We all met for Mass at the Cathedral at noon. Following Mass we decided to head to the park since it was a beautiful day and that sounded better than going back to Jen & Jeff's... It was a beautiful afternoon and the kids made some wonderful memories.<br />
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For more Quick Takes, visit <a href="http://www.conversiondiary.com/">Conversion Diary!</a></div>
PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-24134009640301337652013-10-16T15:54:00.003-07:002013-10-16T15:54:54.669-07:00Evening Walks {Wordless Wednesday}Our current routine includes plenty of outside time in the late afternoon. Or fall weather has been beautiful and we are trying to take advantage of every single day!!<br />
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<br />PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-4574709367669888512013-10-14T16:36:00.001-07:002013-10-14T16:36:35.103-07:00Motherhood... {Monday Meditation}I was catching up on some of my blog reading this afternoon, and came across a post by <a href="http://www.catholicmothersonline.com/holiness-in-motherhood/">Meaghan on Catholic Mother's Online, titled Holiness in Motherhood</a>.<br />
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<i>It was in that moment that God tapped on my heart and reminded me of my vocation and of the many ways motherhood makes us holy. I wanted to say I didn’t have time for this. I needed to be cleaning or simply sitting down and regaining my sanity. Why didn’t my toddler hear the tick tock of my precious free time dwindling? The dishes were piling up in the sink ... [he] needed my presence. He needed me to say “I’m here and there is no where else I would rather be.”<br /><br />We can make motherhood so complicated, but in many ways it’s really about doing simple things with great consistency. My children need my presence. They need a Momma who is patient. Our days require us to continually die to ourselves, and to let go.</i></blockquote>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Wow...</span></b></div>
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To put it mildly, it resonated with me.<br />
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I feel like I am constantly saying "my struggle lately..." But to overuse that phrase in one paragraph, my struggle lately has been finding holiness in motherhood; It has been figuring out how to make myself present to my kids; It has been figuring out how to be "with" them, not just "among" them; It has been figuring out (okay, just flat making the decision) how to not use my tv as a glorified babysitter; It has been figuring out how to teach them to love God with their whole hearts, minds, and souls!<br />
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Immediately after reading the above post, I ready Kathryn's post on Team Whitaker about <a href="http://teamwhitaker.org/2013/10/hdydi-daily-routines-with-young-children/">HDYDI: Daily Routines with Young Children</a> ... I mean, really?! Thank you God for the graces today!!<br />
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Just as I have the last two years, in this week following Jess's death, I find myself meditating on what is important in life. Who precious and fleeting it can be. How important it is to use whatever time we are given to really LOVE our children. To really show them how God intends us to live. Most importantly, to not put off until tomorrow those things that we think are important because there might not be a tomorrow.<br />
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My point? I'm not sure. Other than to say that I'm sharing this with you as I try and figure out how to be a better Mom. To fully embrace my vocation and learn the art of self-donation to my children. To figure out a better routine than the one we are in. It won't be perfect, it never is. But it will be better than the one we have now. I promise to share more along the way.<br />
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A quote, again from <a href="http://www.catholicmothersonline.com/holiness-in-motherhood/">Meaghan</a>, to end:<br />
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<i>As mothers, we are constantly called to turn away from our selfishness, to open our hearts in service. I will be the first to admit that there are many days I do this much less gracefully than I ought. But my sweet little children have entered me into the school of love. I am learning. I am learning how to love and I am learning what it means to be loved by a good God who is ever present and always patient. A good God who claps and cheers like it was the first time anyone ever changed a diaper with pure love in her heart.<br /><br />I praise God for my </i>[three]<i> little teachers, </i>Karen, Megan, and Lauren<i>. Be patient with me little ones, you are making me holy.</i></blockquote>
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<br />PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-58095930471991411262013-10-11T21:19:00.000-07:002013-10-13T18:20:19.829-07:007 Quick Takes - Jessica Linking up with Conversion Diary again for 7 Quick Takes. <br />
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In memory of Jessica - here are seven memories.<br />
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt1"></a><b><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt1" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 1 ---</a></b></div>
I was on a work trip to Madison, WI the day Jess was born. I got the news by phone and had to wait a week to meet my new niece!! She was worth the wait... such a sweet, little chunk.
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I had just committed to attending a conference in Phoenix, Az for a youth group that I was helping lead and my sister called and asked me to be Jessica's Godmother. Her baptism was scheduled for the same weekend as my training conference in Phoenix. I missed my own God-daughter's baptism, but was there in prayer.
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt3"></a><b><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt3" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 3 ---</a></b></div>
We were all visiting my folks the summer they moved into their new house. Jess was just over two years old. My two distinct memories from that trip: <br />
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We took one of those Popsicles that has two sticks and broke it in half. Michaela got one and Jess was supposed to get the other one. She spent the next half hour or more walking around crying "want mine own!! Want mine own!!" She didn't want anything to do with a Popsicle split in half... She wanted one with both sticks in it!!
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Later that same day, my sisters and I were sitting outside in the 90+ heat watching the kids play in the water. Being the stinker I am, I doused both Jennifer and Suzie with water. That started a full on water fight between the three of us. A water fight that ended quickly when the sound of Jessica's wailing stopped us short. Her two year old self didn't understand why her Mom was running around the yard screaming!! Poor girl, we scared her with our sisterly exuberance. :)<br />
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt4"></a><b><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt4" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 4 ---</a></b></div>
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When Carl and I were first dating, I was working during the week in Seattle, living in Boise and he was in Oakesdale. Most weekends we spent together in Spokane at Jen & Jeff's house. Carl would sleep on an air mattress in the basement. I don't know how many times he woke up to Jessica (and Michaela) launching themselves over the back of the downstairs couch onto his air mattress (and him!!). Jess wasn't a small 4 year old... So it was quite the wake-up call when she landed fully on top of him! </div>
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt6"></a><b><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt6" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 5 ---</a></b></div>
How beautifully sweet Michaela and Jess both looked in their flower girl dresses at my wedding. <br />
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt6"></a><b><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt6" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 6 ---</a></b></div>
All my many memories of Jessica "mothering" my girls. It was a standing joke that you could only get your time in with my kids when she wasn't around. She was the resident "baby-hog"... in a good way!<br />
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt7"></a><b><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt7" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 7 ---</a></b></div>
Megan's second birthday party. We celebrated it a day early at Jennifer & Jeff's house. Jessica offered to take pictures for us so we wouldn't have to worry about it. Every time I look at those pictures, it is with the knowledge that they were taken with her eye, by her hand, and through her love. She is only in one single picture from that night because Carl happened to have the thought cross his mind that since she had been taking the pictures, she wasn't in any yet. He grabbed the camera and snapped a single picture. It is the last one taken of her, just 36 hours before she collapsed.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2 year old Meg - posing for Jess</td></tr>
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Where has two years gone? It doesn't seem possible that these memories are two years older with no new ones added to the mix.<br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-size: large;"><i>Sweet Jess...</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-size: large;"><i>Pray for us left behind.</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-size: large;"><i>We love you!</i></span> </div>
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For more Quick Takes, visit <a href="http://www.conversiondiary.com/">Conversion Diary!</a></div>
PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-42122031194935883022013-10-09T09:17:00.002-07:002013-10-09T09:17:41.002-07:00Sweet Meg! {Wordless Wednesday}Where have four years gone?! My sweet Meg celebrates her 4th birthday today!<br />
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<br />PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-14078030325725320062013-10-08T09:37:00.002-07:002013-10-08T09:40:00.030-07:00Missing Emily RoseNearly five years ago, we went in for our first ultrasound when I was expecting again. Karen was just over one and we were SO excited to be expecting. Imagine our surprise and joy when the ultrasound revealed we were having twins!! Considering the amount of work it takes for me to get pregnant, we both figured this was an answer to a prayer of how our family was going to grow (by leaps and bounds)!!<br />
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Because of my history, my doctor sees me every two weeks when I'm expecting. Until he can hear the heartbeat by sonogram, we does ultrasound to check the progress. As each week went by, our excitement grew. After we hit the thirteen week point, we began sharing our news with friends and extended family. Our parents and sister's already knew, but now the world was finding out.<br />
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At this time in Carl's family, we were fairly girl "heavy". It was fun to imagine how the family dynamic would change if we were to have two boys, or how much more girl heavy it would become if it were two girls!<br />
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<a name='more'></a>I ended up going three weeks between appointments because of family trips. At 16 weeks I was back. My doctor had a medical student working with him and I was asked if I minded if she did my ultrasound. All the more happy to share our joy, I agreed. We began imaging and I chatted away about the twins. I didn't notice how quiet she had become. After she imaged the first baby, she excused herself to get Dr. Brasch. Off in my own little world, I didn't see anything out of the ordinary with her behavior, or the fact that despite my prattling, she hadn't gotten a better look at baby #2.<br />
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Dr. Brasch came in and visited with me for a few minutes. He was asking me odd questions about whether I had been feeling ok, if anything out of the ordinary had happened the last few weeks, and finally if I'd had any spotting... I was a little confused by his questions, but was still not cluing in that there might be a problem. Which was why I was taken so completely off guard when he gently said: "We think there may be a problem with one of the twins."<br />
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WHAT?!?!<br />
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He began imaging the second twin and it was quickly revealed that she had no heartbeat. In measuring her growth, it appeared that she died at about 14 weeks 5 days... My heart broke in two that day. I had experienced miscarriage, but never after seeing my baby's heart beating. Not after living with the idea of her growing inside of me for 16 weeks! The news then got worse. I was far enough along, there was a chance that my body would recognize the death and choose to go into labor. I could end up losing both babies!<br />
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The next two weeks were the hardest weeks I think I'd been through (up to that point). Wondering every day if my body was going to completely rebel. At my next visit at 18 weeks, Dr. Brasch reassured me that more than likely I wouldn't miscarry if I hadn't already. He also told me that my body would likely absorb the baby. Over time, this thought gave me some peace. If I was never going to hold my baby, at least I would know that she lived as a part of me.<br />
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Slowly, over the coming months, we got over the urge/habit of referring to the baby as one of the twins and it just became a singular pregnancy again. I grieved, but it was hard to dwell for too long on the loss because there was still a little one growing and fighting inside of me.<br />
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Four years ago today, I went in for a check. I was several days overdue. My doctor took my blood pressure and it was 180/100... yikes! I'm normally more of a 100/60 kind of gal... Dr. Brasch's response was that I needed to get admitted immediately to be induced. It took a few hours to get everything squared away - my Mom took Karen and Carl got to the hospital about 8.<br />
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Megan was born just after 2:00am on October 9th. In the aftermath of her delivery, we were told that I also delivered the remains of her twin and that it was also a girl. Unfortunately, there were complications post delivery, so I didn't really process this news until we were headed home with Megan, and a little package wrapped up in a blanket.<br />
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Originally, we had planned to bury Emily somewhere on our property so that she was close to us. After visiting with a priest who is a good friend, we began to second guess that approach. His only input was that we would want to be sure it was somewhere where it would be respected as a grave. If we moved, were we going to dig up and rebury her or were we confident/comfortable that she was placed somewhere that would be respected if we didn't. I wasn't happy with either of our answers to these questions. So, we placed her little remains in the freezer until we came to a decision.<br />
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As time has a way of doing, it slipped by. Megan had a bladder/kidney condition and every five or six weeks, we were battling a bladder or kidney infection. This constant battle pushed most other things to the back of my mind. Then I would open my freezer and remember Emily, and know that my freezer was not the proper burial place for her. I couldn't find a scenario that I liked. We could bury her at the cemetery, but which one? Neither of the ones close to our little town had an infant section - so we would be buying a full-size plot.<br />
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There was one in Spokane that had an infant section, but it was in Spokane and not along any of my normal routes. Would we ever visit? Before I knew it, two years had marched by. We celebrated Megan's second birthday and I became more resolved to figure out where to lay little Emily to rest.<br />
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Then tragedy struck again and my sister's daughter was gone. Beautiful Jessica... 12 years we had her beauty in our lives and suddenly she's gone. An idea came to my heart, but I didn't know if I could approach my sister about it. Maybe I could bury Emily in the same plot as Jess. Maybe we could place her in a little urn under Jess's coffin.... but how could I go about asking something like that of Jen at this point. She had enough pain that she was dealing with, she didn't need me to ask something like that of her, did she?<br />
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But the Holy Spirit works in beautiful ways. I walked into Jen's house the day after Jess's death and she pulled me aside. She and Jeff had visited that night, and even in their pain, they could think of me. They wanted to know if I would consider burying Emily with Jessica... even now, it brings tears to my eyes to remember. God was taking care of everything.<br />
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It was so fitting. Jess was a little mother to my girls. She had a special knack with them whenever we were over. In fact, there were many times I pulled up at Jen's house only to have one of the girls tell me they didn't want me to unbuckle them, they wanted Jess...<br />
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We had a funeral Mass for Emily the night before Jess's funeral. It was small - just Carl & I and both of our folks, but it was beautiful. The day of Jess's funeral, I tucked Emily, wrapped up in her small blanket, into Jess's arms just before they closed her casket. They will forever rest together.<br />
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The day after Jess's funeral, we home again. I opened my freezer to get something out for dinner and I smiled. My freezer was no longer a tomb. It was just a freezer. And my little girl, she was in a proper tomb, resting in peace.<br />
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I think of Emily often. I watch Megan playing and try and imagine our family if there were two of her running around! Today, on the eve of Megan's birthday, I miss her more than ever. I miss not having met her. I miss not ever having held her. I miss the kisses and hugs that would have been. I miss the sister laughter and friendship that would have surely been there. But I also thank God for taking care of her. For having blessed our family with her little soul. I may not know her in the life, but I will know her in the next. She is with Jesus, praying for our family and most especially for her twin sister, Megan. It is the grace of these thoughts that help me get through this week.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/4340291/?claim=fj6zkt3j2bm">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a></span>PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-23082983929111926112013-10-07T20:56:00.002-07:002013-10-07T21:20:56.200-07:00A Day of Rest<div style="text-align: center;">
Sunday's are called to be a day of rest. </div>
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As God commanded us in Exodus: </div>
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<i>Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work; but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God; in it you shall not do any work.</i></blockquote>
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<a name='more'></a>And the Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches us:<br />
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<i> 2184 Just as God "rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had done," [Gen 2:2] human life has a rhythm of work and rest. The institution of the Lord's Day helps everyone enjoy adequate rest and leisure to cultivate their familial, cultural, social, and religious lives. [Cf. GS 67 § 3] [2172]<br /><br />2185 On Sundays and other holy days of obligation, the faithful are to refrain from engaging in work or activities that hinder the worship owed to God, the joy proper to the Lord's Day, the performance of the works of mercy, and the appropriate relaxation of mind and body. [Cf. CIC, can. 120] Family needs or important social service can legitimately excuse from the obligation of Sunday rest. The faithful should see to it that legitimate excuses do not lead to habits prejudicial to religion, family life, and health. [2428]<br /><br /> The charity of truth seeks holy leisure; the necessity of charity accepts just work. [St. Augustine, De civ. Dei 19, 19: PL 41, 647]</i></blockquote>
Growing up, my family always had Sundays set aside for relaxing and family functions. We didn't plan much, just enjoyed the day together.<br />
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Since getting married, Carl & I have often not been as good about our day of rest. We have tended to use Sundays to get caught up... on yardwork, on housework, on book work... As the girls have gotten older, the urge to reclaim Sunday's for our family has gotten stronger and we've made a significant effort at doing so.<br />
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I won't lie - we still use Sundays a little bit for catch-up, but at a much more leisurely pace. Yesterday for instance we spent most of the day outside. It was such a beautiful fall day, we knew we didn't want to be inside for most of it parked in front of the TV. And we actually went out without much of a plan as to what our "intent" for outside time was.<br />
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It unfolded to be about one of the most perfect days as a family that I've had in a REALLY long time. One of those types of days that will live in my memory and hopefully in my kids memories as well. Not because anything extraordinary happened, in fact nothing out of the ordinary happened... but we lived the day. We played, we worked, we stopped working to enjoy the kids, we "worked" with the kids, and we played some more. <br />
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The joy on their faces racing around the yard trying to get their kites to fly.</div>
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Snuggling with Daisy cat.</div>
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Helping their Daddy unload the pickup of all the dried out corn stalks.</div>
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Eating dirty carrots that I had just pulled from the garden.</div>
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Using their chalk to "paint" their clubhouse, then to color Lauren's little plastic slide.</div>
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While Carl washed the pickup, they washed their trikes, and their toy cars, and the plastic slide... just about anything they felt like scrubbing with a sponge!</div>
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Visiting with some friends that stopped by to get some pumpkins and watching their eight year old play with the girls.</div>
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The smell of their freshly washed hair after we came inside and snuggled on the couch for a few minutes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse before they ate dinner.</div>
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Thank you God for this glorious day!</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/4340291/?claim=fj6zkt3j2bm">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a></span>PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-67568151161709694732013-10-04T21:57:00.000-07:002013-10-04T21:57:34.921-07:007 Quick Takes: Fall!I thought I'd try something new. I'm linking up with Jennifer at Conversion Diary for Friday's 7 Quick Takes. We'll see how this goes!<br />
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt1"></a><b><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt1" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 1 ---</a></b></div>
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<a name='more'></a>I am realizing - I LOVE fall! Don't get me wrong, I am unabashedly a summer girl. I love the heat. The late nights. Light from the wee hours of the morning until well after nine... but as the season is changing around here I'm finding a new spring in my step. I like the crispness in the air. Being able to pull out my jeans and boots. The smell of crockpot dinners that just don't sound as good in 90+ heat. The difference, I think is that I'm not in a rush for fall - so I just enjoy it. Each day is a new journey further into fall - as opposed to spring and summer when I am incredibly impatient for the fullness of that season to be here!<br /><br />
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt2"></a><b><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt2" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 2 ---</a></b></div>
Another thing about fall - pumpkins! We just picked all of our pumpkins from our garden. Now begins the fun and letting the kids pick theirs out, and inviting neighbors and friends to do the same!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjk2RCWZ_UWqFl3zao2fc0Yuyp8kona0VXsS1R616UwjsLOpcDQYFRJMJ-myBswQtoP77BDzYgBSZgQuPtExgWs3OjQCY0moHJ3KpfegNrTv8GsnKUM4yx2ASfvKhvs79zYM5hI7q_aqDL/s1600/IMG_2947.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjk2RCWZ_UWqFl3zao2fc0Yuyp8kona0VXsS1R616UwjsLOpcDQYFRJMJ-myBswQtoP77BDzYgBSZgQuPtExgWs3OjQCY0moHJ3KpfegNrTv8GsnKUM4yx2ASfvKhvs79zYM5hI7q_aqDL/s400/IMG_2947.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The bigger ones</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The ones small enough for the girls to carry</td></tr>
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt3"></a><b><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt3" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 3 ---</a></b></div>
A second thing about pumpkins. My mother-in-law has started carving names into pumpkins when they are small. As they grow, the scratches also grow into larger "scabs" that make the name easily visible. Here is Megan's pumpkin:<br />
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt4"></a><b><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt4" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 4 ---</a></b></div>
We got a chance to go to Adoration this week. It's something I like to do, but have not made as good a point about going since having kids. It is just plain hard. They play, they whisper, they bang books around... all the things that the majority of other people praying probably really don't care about, but as the Mom... it drives you crazy! Regardless - I am committed to making more of an effort in our prayer life. My daughters will grow up knowing they are daughters of Christ - a through these efforts will hopefully love Him with their whole hearts, souls, and minds. <br />
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Back to Adoration - it worked out to swing by after Karen's speech session. I got lost on the way, so was only planning to stay about 10 minutes (you know, break the kids in slowly). However, because it took us so long, we were there when the 3:00 hour came. They started a Divine Mercy chaplet and we stayed. It was just the prayer and the extra time in front of my Lord that my heart needed. The kids behaved... I don't believe in coincidence... I might just have to get lost every week! :)<br />
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt5"></a><b><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt5" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 5 ---</a></b></div>
We still have one kitten. We started the summer with two. About a month ago, Minnie cat disappeared. :( A couple of days ago Carl asked if I had seen the other one (Daisy Cat)... It had been several hours since it made an appearance. He went outside and called for it for a while... no kitty. The next morning he looked around some more before leaving in the tractor... still no kitty. We were both convinced Daisy had also disappeared. Fortunately, I remembered that I had gone into our shop the previous day. As luck would have it, Daisy had slipped in and I didn't notice. She had been locked inside! We are so happy to still have her.<br />
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt6"></a><b><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt6" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 6 ---</a></b></div>
My middle one turns 4 next week!! So hard to believe that four years have already gone by. I am not ready for her birthday... not one tiny, little bit.<br />
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="qt7"></a><b><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7826331024774837872#qt7" style="color: black; text-decoration: none;">--- 7 ---</a></b></div>
Aside from Megan's birthday, I'm not looking forward to the next week. A week from today mark's the 2nd anniversary of Jessica's death. Her absence is still so hard to believe.<br />
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For more Quick Takes, visit <a href="http://www.conversiondiary.com/">Conversion Diary!</a></div>
PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-19606464519775679352013-10-02T06:00:00.000-07:002013-10-02T06:00:05.559-07:00Visit from a Pigeon - Caption This! {Wordless Wednesday}One of the more strange visitors we've had.<br />
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<br />PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-2388110075346102562013-10-01T09:57:00.001-07:002013-10-01T11:08:54.464-07:00Finding Balance with St. ThereseToday is the Feast of St. Therese of Lisieux. Her life, her dedication to loving Jesus, her approach to living - doing all things, especially the small ones, with great love - is an amazing example to reflect upon. My struggle lately has been finding the right balance.<br />
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The balance of household responsibilities and prayer. She reminds me that the two are not mutually exclusive. I need to remember more often, in the midst of these responsibilities, to add a prayer. To dedicate the action to Jesus. To ask Him to sanctify my work. To continuously look toward heaven...<br />
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<a name='more'></a>The balance of loving discipline, redirection, and playful interaction with my kids. I am failing at this. Every. Day. There are so many bad habits of behavior and reaction that have manifested from my struggle with post-partum depression. While that is under control, the "habit" of my behavior and reaction to the kids misbehavior is still not ideal. St. Therese, however, reminds me the way back to the Mom I want to be and who God calls me to be is surrender. Surrender to the Divine Will of God and His desire for my life. Surrender to my children - for it is my calling and vocation to raise them to be daughters of Christ. To love Him with their whole hearts, to know Him with their whole minds, and to serve Him with their entire will.<br />
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Finally, the balance of my imperfect human-ness with the daughter of Christ God wants me to be. It is so easy to blame my failures at living the holy life I know God wants for me on my imperfections. It is so easy to put off training my will until tomorrow... the classic, "I'll start tomorrow"... but tomorrow never comes! St. Therese reminds me that God does not call me to mediocrity. He call me to greatness (in Him, not in and of myself); He calls me to great holiness; and most importantly, He call me to great love. He calls me to be on fire with love for Him. I do not want to be just lukewarm... For as He tells us, <b><span style="color: #741b47;"><i>"So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth."</i></span></b> Revelation 3:16<br />
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<br />PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-57436457443764473162013-10-01T09:31:00.000-07:002013-10-01T09:32:18.304-07:00Absent...Sometimes I wonder why my blog has nothing new on it... and then I remember that I need to post what is in my head in order for there to be something new to read. Would you believe me that I've written at least ten posts in the last six weeks during rides in the car, sitting through therapy sessions, sitting on the floor playing with the kids... But I guess those posts in my head don't magically appear here on my blog unless I sit down and write them! If only there was a way to have those mentally composed ones write themselves...<br />
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Alas...<br />
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Maybe in the future...<br />
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..or maybe not. I think I would be scared to try something that allows me to mentally compose something and have it appear for the world to see... but I digress. :)<br />
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Life has been busy in here in the Palouse. We started and finished harvest (yields were great, the rain mostly stayed away until we were done, and break downs were minimal)!<br />
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Karen started kindergarten.<br />
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So far everything is going well. She seems to really enjoy it and her communication seems greatly improved over last year. In fact, I got a note from her teacher after the first day of school that read:<br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;"><i>I just wanted to let you know that Karen had a wonderful day at school today! I was so impressed with her! She was great at taking charge and being my "line leader" today. Her verbal skills were great as well! I wanted to share with you that during calendar I asked the children to count out loud while another student pointed to the numbers, and Karen is the only voice that I heard! She seemed to be very proud of herself.</i></span></blockquote>
Proud Momma moment here... and a teary one. For some reason the start of kindergarten was very hard for me. Much harder than sending her off to preschool the last two and a half years!<br />
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We had the advantage of getting back into the swing of school and such in a stepped fashion. School started with no other activities occuring. The next week we started dance and gymnastics classes. The third week we added back in our twice a week trips to Spokane for speech therapy.<br />
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I'm SOOOOOO glad for the slow transition because it still kicked my butt. My workouts have been nonexistent. The kids are done, and I'm tired, by the end of the day. But we are getting there and the rhythm of our household is getting better. PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-1829319927897865642013-08-12T10:58:00.000-07:002013-08-12T10:59:57.958-07:00Swimming LessonsWe haven't spent a ton of time at the pool this summer. In fact, prior to last week, we hadn't gone AT ALL... the thought of trying to juggle three little ones around water was a little terrifying to me. My sister-in-law mentioned that they were doing swimming lessons and I figured that I could only "avoid" so long... it was time the kids experienced the pool and started learning how to be in the water.<br />
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It's slow going on the swimming front. Neither Karen or Megan is too keen on putting their heads under water - and until they do will be somewhat limited on how well they can learn to swim. Fortunately, the city has a kiddie pool that is only a foot and a half deep, so they can still take advantage of being in the water. The more they are around friends and cousins that put their faces in, the more (by fractions of a degree) they are "warming" to the idea.<br />
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Another week of lessons are in store this week... here's to hoping for progress. At the very least, it will be fun!<br />
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For your viewing "pleasure" is Megan (and a little bit of Karen) serenading me while swimming in the pool. I think she's a budding actress... (heaven, help me!) <br />
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<br />PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-46566392638546757422013-07-31T05:30:00.000-07:002013-07-31T05:30:00.300-07:00Pure Delight {Wordless Wednesday}No words really needed here... just LOVING the expressions of joy that only kids can show!<br />
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PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-46065869241861264992013-07-29T09:03:00.000-07:002013-07-29T09:03:26.922-07:00Saying goodbye before I've said hello*** Note *** I started writing the post below a month ago. For a variety of reasons ranging from being extremely busy to just simply not knowing how to put what I'm feeling in words, I haven't finished it. I've realized, however, that my lack of blogging is a result of not sharing this... my "elephant in the room" - so to speak. I need to move past this, but to move past it... I need to finish processing it.<br />
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You would think at this point I would be good at saying goodbye before we've even had a chance to say hello... But I'm not.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>It's different than the first time. That was a time when we weren't sure if I would ever be able to conceive and were so excited to find out we were expecting. When we found out that we would never get to meet that baby (I call her Grace, although we've never officially named her) it was with heartbreak at losing a little one that we had already come to love and a return to the uncertainty of whether we would ever have our own.<br />
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It's different than the other two confirmed miscarriages. The pain of losing Megan's twin at 15 weeks - and the "dilemma" of figuring out how to grieve for the little one we lost but still be excited for the little one still there! The pain of after five months of trying, being excited to be expecting another little one - (due 11-10-11!!) only to have to say good-bye and deal with the miscarriage while being halfway across the country visiting family. As well as the practice of saying goodbye after three other suspected early miscarriages...<br />
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The truth is though... it is never easy. It stinks each and every time it happens. I'm always amazed at how quickly the joy and expectation builds in your heart from the moment you get that positive pregnancy test. In the first few days I had already started to do the math in my head as to where I would be in the pregnancy at different points throughout the summer and fall... as each event passes now, I have that memory of how far along I would have been in the back of my mind.<br />
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I have to remind myself that having children is a gift, not a right. A beautiful, glorious gift. We are entrusted as caretakers of their little souls for God. As painful as it is, I would rather be entrusted with that soul for just one day if that is God's will, than not at all. But it's hard to remember that always. There are times when I rail against the unfairness. There are times when I'm bitter about all those I know that can so easily conceive but desperately do NOT want to. There are times when I forget that both Karen and Lauren would not be here had I not lost the little one I carried just before them.<br />
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So far, I've been kind of stuck in the railing at the unfairness. I need to get past it. I do trust in God's plan for my family. Some days (ok, lots of days recently) I just want that plan to match my own plan. We all know how rarely that happens. Forgive me, Lord, for my stubbornness!PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-49275753628092207422013-07-10T05:00:00.000-07:002013-07-29T09:41:12.387-07:00Nine Years!Nine years ago I married my best friend. I can't believe where the last nine years have brought us and look forward to many, many more!!<br />
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<span style="color: #990000;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">I love you, HB's!</span></i></span></div>
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PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-36196742036088559612013-07-05T10:37:00.002-07:002013-07-29T09:41:35.517-07:00Happy 4th!!Happy 4th of July!! Regardless of your feelings of the current state of our great country, yesterday was a day to celebrate!!!<br />
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Things were pretty low-key at our house. Our plans had included a trip to visit my folks in south Idaho (leaving Wednesday morning). It was going to be a fun time with all four of us girls home and crammed into one house - 15 of us!<br />
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<a name='more'></a>But alas... no - I woke up early Wednesday morning having caught the stomach bug that Karen and Lauren had the previous week... Megan followed in my footsteps a couple of hours later. It was fun times (not!!)! Thankfully, I was feeling quite a bit better yesterday. Not 100%, but at least human and the thought of putting food in my stomach wasn't completely unappealing. <br />
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Needless to say, we stayed close to home yesterday and just had a quiet day here with the girls. I did get them all dressed in their red, white, and blue's though!<br />
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We decided we needed to get out of the house, but didn't really feel like being out on the roads driving anywhere. So, we walked the gravel/dirt road loop by our house. It was a little much on my stomach-bug recovering body, but I managed and it was a good time. Karen walked for better than 2 miles of the 4 mile loop, and Megan walked for about a mile. <br />
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I hope you and your family had a happy and safe 4th of July!!PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7826331024774837872.post-35094337515961007772013-06-28T22:20:00.001-07:002013-06-28T22:20:51.480-07:00Happy LaurenAfter a month, you would think that our kittens would have started to catch on to who to love on, who to run from, and who to run and hide from... but not yet. <br />
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Or maybe they enjoy being manhandled by an eighteen month old. <br />
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<a name='more'></a>Either way, they are both perfectly docile whenever Lauren gets her hands on them. As you can see from her face - she absolutely loves holding the kitties...<br />
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<br />PalouseMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03945056445826498882noreply@blogger.com0