Remembering...

I'm a couple of days late with this post, but still wanted to share my thoughts.  Monday was October 15th and for me has three separate things for remembering:

First - it was National Day of Remembrance for Pregnancy and Infant loss.  I have spent a lot of time these past few days thinking of our little ones in heaven.  

• My first pregnancy - I would have been due on October 20th.  We found out on March 8th that the baby had died.  I was barely 7 weeks but didn't actually miscarry until 11 weeks. Baby Crider1 - I think of you throughout the month of October - you would be turning six.
• My second pregnancy that only lasted long enough for me to know I was pregnant and then miscarried the next day... baby Crider2 - you would have been due September 7th.
• When I got pregnant the fourth time, imagine our shock and delight when the ultrasound showed twins... twins!!  My Mom is a fraternal twin, so we knew it was a possibility... I was so excited.  When the "magic" 12-13 weeks had passed, we began sharing our exciting news.  Nothing prepared me for the shock of going in at 16 weeks to find that Megan's twin had died around 14 or 15 weeks.  Emily Rose, if your sister Megan is any indication of the little person you were... our house misses your joy each and every day!
• Much like my second "pregnancy", my fifth one lasted only long enough for me to know that I was pregnant and then miscarry the following day.  baby Crider - you would also have been due in September.
• My sixth pregnancy lasted six weeks.  We knew something was likely wrong from the get-go because all of my numbers in my blood work were much lower than previous pregnancies.  We lost this little one while visiting family in Cleveland... baby Crider - you would have been due in November... I was pretty excited with the idea that I had a chance for an 11-11-11 baby!

Second - it was the first anniversary of burying Jessica.  I didn't realize that her burial coincided with the National Day of Remembrance, but find it fitting even though she wasn't an infant.

Thirdly - and on a happier note... October 15th marked 10 months for little Lauren.  It's hard to believe how fast the time is going by!!

A look back on 2011! Part 1

... so in continuing my "catch-up" with this blog and the start of a new year... here's a look back on 2011!

January -
Started off with saying goodbye to a good friend of my husband's who was tragically killed in a snowmobile accident just before the 1st of the year.  We still miss you Shane!

Karen turned 3! and Carl 36!

Karen "graduates" from the birth to three early therapy intervention program to preschool for her therapies... can't believe she's already in school!!

February -
A visit to Cleveland to visit Carl's sister and her family.  The girls had fun with cousin Holly!

And saying another goodbye - this time to our little one lost in an early miscarriage. 

March -
Welcoming cousin Audrey to the world!

April -
Finding out we are expecting again!!!! A visit to Grandma & Grandpa's for spring break.

Easter!! and fun family pictures in front of the old flour mill in Oakesdale!

May -
Another visit to Grandma & Grandpa's to help my Mom with her recovery from back surgery.  No pictures from that trip - I was too busy visiting with Mom and keeping the girls from crawling into her lap!

June -
I turn 35!!  Oh my!!

Carl plays in another Hoopfest (but I'm horrible about taking pictures when we are up there so no evidence!) and a third visit to Grandma & Grandpa's for Fiddle Week.

Pregnancy eating

My challenge right now is my eating... all of my pregnancies have been the same - once I hit the 2nd trimester, I crave nothing good for me.  Pizza, bread, nachos, all things bound to make my stomach (and all other areas) bigger than I want them to be by the time this baby comes!

So far, I've done a better job this pregnancy of controlling it by really trying to manage quantities.  But portion management can only go so far.  At the end of the day this is just not the kind of food that is going to do the most for me (or the baby, or my long term eating habits), you know?!  One of my biggest challenges in turning this pattern around is that I have a really hard time making myself eat what my body is not wanting.  I make myself good, yummy salads - and don't have an appetite after about 5 bites.

Any advice on what worked for you in your pregnancy?

Why the break?

So I've been meaning to put up this post for a while but keep putting it off.  I wanted to share what initially prompted my blogging break earlier this spring. 

The wonderful news is that we found out we were expecting again in early April!! Yay!! This is something we were very much wanting and it had been a long six months of "waiting"... one that included two hospital stays with our youngest daughter, an unconfirmed early miscarriage, the tragic loss of a very good friend, and a second, but confirmed, early miscarriage... yes, it was an eventful and stressful 6 six months.

The short explanation for the break is that there were some early complications (which fortunately did not turn out to be anything worrisome after a couple weeks of taking it easy).  But after the struggle to conceive - which included much more than two losses we suffered (a fertility story I hope to share with you sometime, but don't want to make this an incredibly long post) - I just did not have the capacity to post about anything else but was not yet ready to share this news outside of family. 

So I took a break but am back now!  and sharing that we are expecting another Baby C sometime around December 13th!